T+7 Don't get your knickers in a twist

BOX SCORE
Element	Current	Std. Range	Trend
Hemoglobin	8.8	13-17	^
Platelets	19	140-375	v
ANC	740	1800-8300	v

Once upon a time, I was subject to panic attacks. When a newly remodeled Fred Meyer store opened in Portland decades ago, I stopped by during the Grand Opening. I was not there for the festivities, but because I needed something. I walked in the door and started to feel a little ill at ease. There were a LOT of people there. As I moved in the direction I thought would take me to whatever I was looking for, it took me deeper into the crowd. All at once, I found I was having trouble breathing and all I could think of was to run. I was able to quell the urge to run, but I made a bee-line for the exit. That is the panic attack that stands out in my memory, but it is not the only one I had. Seems like a long time ago. 

Yesterday, my day nurse told us that there was talk among the medical staff that they were considering discharging  me from the hospital as early as Thursday, nearly a week ahead of schedule, because I have been doing so well. That was welcome news, and we were feeling quite celebrational. The staff nixed the idea of opening Champagne, but we both felt rather buoyant the rest of the day.  Later, Jill started thinking of all that she needed to do at our little rental, aka Marquam Manor, to have it sanitized before my arrival. Nevertheless, she stayed later than usual before heading home. We were just enjoying the thought of being together at the Manor at last. 

After Jill left, I received an email telling me that an appointment had been made for me at the Knight Cancer Center, where I will be seen for follow-up care during the next few months. The appointment time was for Thursday, May 16th at 9:20am at the infusion center. As I thought about that appointment, it occurred to me that the timing implied that I would be discharged the day before, as in today, Wednesday the 15th. 

Then I remembered that Jill has a dental appointment for which she has waited months, and it is on, you guessed it, Thursday, May 16th, at 11:00 am, in Salem no less. I don't want her to miss this appointment, since it took a lot of time and finagling to snag an appointment during my hospital stay, when she could leave me in the capable hands of a cadre of nurses and go tend to her needs. 

I began to get a sense of urgency approaching panic. You see, once I am discharged, I will be required to have a caretaker 24/7, in case there are any sudden onset problems that crop up. What we have here, folks, is a dilemma. How could Jill take me to a 9:20am appointment in Portland and also keep an 11:00am appointment in Salem. Not only were the logistics unworkable, but the business of a caretaker didn't work either. 

Our son Patrick has said time and again that if we need something taken care of, he can arrange to take off from work to attend to it. I called him and asked if he could be "on call" for Thursday, in case I was discharged on Wednesday. As we talked it through, he promised that either he or his wife Katie could come up from Eugene and babysit me, while Jill took care of her dental care. That made me feel better, but it put Patrick and Katie in an awkward position, because I wasn't sure whether I would actually be discharged today, and until I knew that, we couldn't solidify any plans. 

I called Jill, who was busy getting the Manor ready for my imminent arrival, and we talked it through. Her first thought was to cancel her appointment, but I was adamant that she needs to take care of her medical/dental needs and not let my needs trump hers. After a bit of discussion, we agreed that we would decline to have me discharged on Wednesday in favor of Thursday afternoon. That accomplished several things. First it meant that I won't need the appointment at the Knight Center, second it means that Jill can go to her appointment, because I will be in the care of the nursing staff, and third, Patrick and Katie will not have to interrupt their busy lives and take time off work. 

This morning, when the medical team came to visit during their rounds, Dr. Maziarz and his PA both checked me out and agreed that, if I desire it, they are comfortable with my being discharged on Thursday afternoon. Perfect! Wednesday was not even mentioned as a possibility for discharge. 

And so the moral of this little story is: "It's really dumb to get your knickers in a twist over a situation about which you don't have all the facts." After all, spontaneous  panic attacks are really scary, so why manufacture your own panic episodes? As I reflected on my actions later, I realized that I had forgotten to do the first thing I should have done: pray. Not only does prayer always calm me down, it also often leads me quickly to the answer in a dilemma. 

Jesus said, "...the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. ²⁷ Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. (John 14:26-27)