Pop Quiz (you knew it was coming)

BOX SCORE
Hemoglobin	13.1	13-17	^
Platelets	192	140-375	^
ANC	3850	1800-8300	^
Ferritin	1231	My goal <1000	v
CD4 Cells	192	My goal > 200	v

The observant reader will immediately notice that there have been additions to the Box Score. Of course, I didn't need to say that, because all of my readers are intelligent, observant, witty individuals. That's why I hardly need to mention that I introduced a new word to the lexicon in the post titled "Zeugma." Therefore, today I am having a Pop Quiz. To Wit:

Pop Quiz

Answer the following multiple choice questions by choosing only one answer. 

1. What is the population of Venzuela? (Any answer within a dozen one way or the other will be accepted, although with a certain degree of suspicion)

☐ 47

☐ 28,473,442

☐  

2. If A can do a job in 4 hours, and B can do the same job in 2 hours, how long would it take to do the same job if people were doing it? 

☐ Are the people boys or girls? 

☐ 6 hours

☐ I don't really care, Margaret!

3. What was the word added to the Red Cells and White Cells and Platelets, Oh My! lexicon on January 28th? (Whether or not you pass the course is totally dependent on passing this test...(no pressure, though.)

☐ Loblolly

☐ Obdurate

☐ Ferritin 

If you guessed answered in complete agreement with the key below, you passed the test...but did you turn in all of your daily assignments? 

KEY

1.   

2. I don't really care, Margaret!

3. Ferritin

In that post...

Yes, Juniper, what is it? 

What post was that, Professor?

Zeugma, Zeugma. Pay attention, Juniper. 

Now, in that post, the new word was "Ferritin." For those of you who answered questions 1. and 3. correctly, you may continue reading this post. The rest of you had better go to the library and do some research. You will never know when another Pop Quiz may... pop up! (Mwahahaha)

Well, now that we have that settled, let's talk about Ferritin. How is YOUR Ferritin level? (When I was in the hospital, there seemed to be an inordinate amount of interest in my bowel movements. One day I asked the nurse, "Why do we always talk about my bowel movements? Why don't we ever talk about your bowel movements?") So, now I am in the driver's seat, so I am asking you about your Ferritin levels. How do YOU like it? 

If you return to Zeugma, you will recall that Ferritin is a protein that binds to iron ions in the body and stores them for later use. As I explained in that post, Juniper, my Ferritin levels have been off the chart, due to uncountable blood transfusions. The preferred method of lowering Ferritin levels is called Therapeutic Lobotomy Phlebotomy. 

Think of your car. When the quantity of iron ions (not to mention beetles, grubs and other icky stuff) gets too high in your engine oil, you go to the Car Doctor (a gratuitous plug for my favorite mechanic) and have some, but usually ALL of the oil drained out and replaced with pristine (see also unblemished, new, unpolluted, unsullied and umimpaired) oil. That would sorta be like Therapeutic Oilobotomy. 

But here's the big difference between Therapeutic PHLEbotomy and Therapeutic OILobotomy. You don't have to refill after PHLEbotomy, because your body automatically makes new oil blood cells. Look at it this way. It's kinda like, if you had a car with two motors, you could do an oilobotomy on the main motor and then just let the oil that's leaking out of the small auxiliary motor refill the main motor with oil. Unless you drive a Tesla. Now do you understand? 

OK, we got that put to bed. Today was my first (ever) therapeutic phlebotomy. Oh, I've been plugged in many times to have vast quantities of blood pumped (see also excited, juiced, hopped-up, amped) into my arm. But until today you couldn't say that I have had massive quantities pumped (see above) OUT of me. It seems that my propensity for attracting various kinds of cancer is considered an unacceptable risk factor for pumping my blood into other people, over at the Red Cross. 

Anywho, in went the catheter into my left cephalic vein (No not in my head, it's a superficial vein on the thumb side of the forearm. It's only called cephalic to confuse medical and dental students who study anatomy, as if they hadn't anything better to do.) and out came 514 ml of fine, red haem (or if you are not British, heme) or blood, for those of you non-linguaphiles. Linguaphile is an Old Latin word I just made up, from the Latin lingua meaning tongue, and file from the Snap-on-Tools meaning we're all out of rasps. 

You will recall, unless you flunked the pop quiz, that one of my concerns about Therapeutic Phlebotomy was whether I would be all light-headed and googly-eyed, when it was over. I am happy to report my head is still just as heavy as ever, and my eyes have shown no signs of googling. I myself use Duck-Duck-Go for my search engine. 

Of course, you also noticed another new addition in the Box Score, i.e., "CD4 Cells." These little beauties are immune cells that fight off things that cause sniffles, sneezes, coughs and horking up of lungs. Mine are too low. I need to have a reading of > 200 to be safe from such things. Not only that, but I need to have two readings in a row of > 200. Do you have any idea how hard it is to study for all of these blood tests? And then to be deflated so, when I don't pass. And even if I do pass, what's the payoff? I get to delete one pill that I take three times a week from my regimen. This is why people don't like to get cancer, and heart disease, and warts. It is really hard sometimes. But I soldier on with my grey auburn-haired beauty at my side. 

A joyful heart is good medicine,
    but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17;22)