For the joy

Last night, I awoke once again in need of a trip to the bathroom. Between the chemo drugs and the huge amounts of water that I consume to help flush them out of my body, these awakenings happen multiple times every night. Sometimes, I have difficulty in getting back to sleep. That's where I found myself in the wee hours. 

Often, my wakefulness is the result of my mind becoming focused on something about which I'm troubled or curious or something I think I need to take care of. In this case, I decided to have a little pity party. Surprisingly, I was not feeling sorry for myself because I have leukemia, but because I have to go through the chemotherapy treatments. I find the times between treatments tiresome, because, well, I'm tired all the time. I'm unsteady on my feet, and feel as if I'm prematurely aged. I am accustomed to robust health and being able to pursue the things I love to do with a good measure of energy. 

Of course, the irony of all of this is that without the chemotherapy, it's likely I would be dead by now. Hey, I never promised you I would make any sense! This is a pity party after all. 

After a few minutes of this nonsense, I did what I always do in these nocturnal interludes. I decided I needed to distract myself from "stinkin' thinkin'," and I began to pray and to recite to myself Scripture passages that I have memorized. Last night while I was doing that, Hebrews 12:1-2 came into my mind:

...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

It was then I realized how foolish I was being. No one ever promised me that life would be trouble free. Well, several hundred politicians have told me that, but who listens to politicians? Life has good times and hard times. They are, um, part of life. I am going through a hard time right now. Why am I doing that? Edmund Hilary might say, "Because it is there."  

It is really a choice we make. I could have chosen not to go through chemotherapy, but I am not done with life on this planet. I owe it to my wife and children to be here for them as long as I can, because I love them and we bring one another joy. Whether or not the treatments are successful, I must do whatever I can to be there for them. Like my Lord Jesus, I need to run the race with endurance for the joy that is set before me. 

So, boo hoo, Tom. You don't feel good during some of the treatment phases. How do you think Jesus felt, dying the most humiliating, agonizing kind of death that mankind has yet devised? But He did it for the love of the men and women He created in His own image and for the joy of having them with him forever in paradise. 

I can't promise to be around forever, but I can do what is in my power to do to be here as long as I'm able... for the joy set before me. I fell asleep quickly after that. What was I thinking?

 

 


Comments

  1. BenjySeptember 20, 2021 at 10:39 AM

    Thank you for keeping up the fight Tom!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kathy LoweSeptember 25, 2021 at 2:55 PM

    Hey Tom, so happy you are working hard to continue the fight! Love to you both!

    ReplyDelete
  3. BadgerKSeptember 28, 2021 at 6:13 PM

    All your writings give us so much needed positive thinking. Thank you for that!

    ReplyDelete

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