The 7 Ps

BOX SCORE
Element	Current	Std. Range	Trend
Hemoglobin	6.6	13-17	v
Platelets	10	140-375	v
ANC	0.00	1800-8300	v

When I was serving in the US Naval Dental Corps at Camp Pendleton, CA, we had an administrative Chief Petty Officer who was in charge of the enlisted troops. He had been in the Navy a long time and had "seen it all," so to speak. His office was decorated with lot's of fun things. Among them was a sign that read, "Enlisted men are stupid and ignorant, but they are sly and cunning and bear watching." Of course, he didn't believe they were stupid and ignorant, but the sign was a tongue in cheek poke at the officers, who were viewed with suspicion by some of the troops. 

Another little sign parroted an old military saying, "Prudent Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance," commonly known as the 7 Ps. A bit crude, but nevertheless true. Apparently, I forgot that one last evening when I was getting ready to crawl into bed. My room has one of those tables that can slide under the bed at the bottom with a tray at the top for meal service, medical procedures, typing silly blog posts and the like. At bedtime, I place it beside my bed with my CPAP machine on it as well as a cup into which I deposit my hearing aids. I keep my glasses handy, some Kleenex, and a water sipper. There, all set for the night. 

My blood counts have been really low, as I have reported recently. Low blood counts make me lethargic and unsteady on my feet. Consequently, I have been using a cane, which I like to keep handy for those midnight trips to the restroom that gentlemen of a certain age are cursed with. Last night, I laid my cane across the table, along with the other necessities I mentioned, so it would be handy. 

About 11:00PM, a CNA came in to check my vital signs. She tried to get in between my recliner and the little table to take my blood pressure. She and another CNA, in an attempt to efficiently record the data, while not disturbing me excessively, were being very quiet and whispering to each other. Just about the time they were finishing up, I heard some clanking followed by a loud CRASH!!

Did I mention they were doing their work essentially with only the light from the computer monitor and some coming in from the hall through a small window in the door to my room? As best I can reconstruct what happened, the one disconnecting me from the blood pressure machine must have snagged her clothing on my cane, which fell to the floor making a clanking noise. My quiet-as-a-mouse friend was startled and managed to get her foot caught in the charge cable for my laptop, which fell from the recliner, where I had carefully stowed it for the night, and hit the floor with a loud CRASH!! 

My emotions at that point were mixed. Selfishly, my first thought was, Oh! No, my laptop!! That was followed by compassion for the lady who had got herself into this mess because of my failure to follow the 7 Ps. She and her compadre continued whispering and quietly left the room. I'm sure she felt foolish, through no fault of her own, but by gosh, she had kept quiet so as not to disturb the patient any more than absolutely necessary. 

For me, the embarrassment is threefold. First, I am embarrassed that my first thought was for my property, instead of for the poor unfortunate victim of my (unintentional) booby trap. Second, I find that the keyboard on my laptop is a bit unresponsive this morning. Broken? No. I think the jolt simply dislodged and relocated some of the myriad crumbs that wind up on my keyboard, due to my appalling habit of eating while typing. I'll need to pop off a couple of keys and clean under them. And finally, I forgot those pesky 7 Ps.

I drifted back to sleep promptly, and then I had a dream in which my laptop had broken at the hinge where the screen attaches to the keyboard. Fortunately, my son Patrick was able to repair it nicely with some duct tape. If you ever need your laptop repaired, I'm sure he could help...as long as he has some duct tape. 

In spite of all these various goings-on in the night. I got a marvelous rest. At 4:00 AM, Oksana, my night nurse, came in to draw blood for my morning labs. She returned about an hour later bearing a gift: a nice fat bag of Red Blood Cells, or as I call them, Red Ryders. They are guaranteed to make me feel like a new man. Just think of all that oxygen being transported to my tissues, especially my brain. 

Say, it just occurred to me that my foggy brain may have been responsible for my failure to observe the 7 Ps. Sure! Let's go with that!

Thank you, Lord that no real damage was done except to a couple of egos in the night.