The Red Badge of Courage

BOX SCORE
Element	Current	Std. Range	Trend
Hemoglobin	8.8	13-17	v
Platelets	98	140-375	^
ANC	100	1800-8300	^

This morning, I was reading from Revelation chapter 3. In this chapter, Jesus is writing a letter to the seven churches in Asia. Or rather, Jesus is dictating, and John the Beloved Apostle is recording... kind of a "Letter to the Churches," by Jesus Christ, as told to the Apostle John situation. He addresses each church separately and gives them an evaluation of their current situation. Like any good leader, He points out what His charges are doing well, but He also points out areas where they have room to grow. In each case, He includes an encouragement for the churches which are experiencing troubles of one sort or another. 

The one who conquers will be clothed thus in white garments, and I will never blot his name out of the book of life. I will confess his name before my Father and before his angels. (Revelation 3:5)

The one who conquers, I will make him a pillar in the temple of my God. (Revelation 3:12)

The one who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne, as I also conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne. (Revelation 3:21)

Now, I pondered the word "conquers" for a while, thinking, "That's hard for me." And then I remembered the words of the Apostle Paul in his second letter to the church in Corinth

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) 

Paul was writing to the church regarding some self-proclaimed "super apostles" who had been leading the people astray. He describes his own experience, in verses 1-6, after He encountered a vision of Jesus on the road to Damascus. It would be easy for him to boast, like the "super" apostles, but God nipped that in the bud by allowing Paul a "thorn in the flesh." 

In this passage Paul "conquers" his pride with the help of the Lord, Who rather than honoring Paul's request to remove the "thorn," whatever that was, reminds Paul that without Jesus, he was nothing. So, Paul chooses to boast not of visions or his favored status as an apostle, but rather to boast of his weaknesses, which allow the power of Christ to be on display. In other words, Paul conquers not in his own power but through the power of Christ. 

In the same way, Jesus calls on the people of the churches in Asia to "conquer" through faith in and obedience to Himself. And if they "conquer," then they will reap huge rewards. They will be clothed in white garments symbolizing purity. They will be confessed (commended) to the Father. They will be made pillars in the temple of God. They will sit on the throne of God's heavenly kingdom with Jesus himself. 

Wow, that's really interesting, Tom, but what in the world does it have to do with your battle with leukemia? 

Later this morning,  I was looking in the mirror at a red blotch on my face. It's been there for weeks. Right now it is less angry looking than on other occasions. I have wished it would go away. I pray constantly that I will be delivered from leukemia. Then I remembered my lesson this morning. Like Paul I have been given a thorn. As he wrote, it is "a messenger of Satan to harass me." I looked again at my blotch and said, "Take that, Satan. That's my red badge of courage. I may be weak, but my Lord is strong...stronger than you, or anything you can do to me." 

Yesterday, we had a conversation with Dr. Brow. She was giving us the official word that I am in remission; that there is no sign of leukemia in my recent bone marrow biopsy. Then she laid out the next steps in my treatment. First on the agenda is to allow my blood counts, especially my ANC, to rebound. If you look at the Box Score above, you will see that all of my counts are low, as of last Monday's labs. Although my ANC jumped up by a factor of 2.5, and my platelets increased by nearly 25%, still these counts are all very low. Low ANC makes me vulnerable to all kinds of infections, so Dr. Brow will be looking at that number when I have labs tomorrow. If it is still too low, she will postpone my chemotherapy another week. 

Then she gave us some news that we were not expecting. Even if I do start chemo next week, I will only need to have injections for five consecutive days, instead of the usual seven. She also said that if the cytogenetic and molecular studies come back clear, she will be able to stretch out my chemo cycles to six weeks, instead of four. Now the way I read that is 42 days divided by 5 doses equal ~8, an average of about one dose per eight days. On the other hand 28 days (my current cycle length) divided by 7 doses equals 4, an average of one dose per four days. I make that a 50% reduction of chemo injections, and I could live with that. 

Is this a reward from God? I don't know. I do know that the only reason I have conquered as much as I have in this journey is because of His goodness and mercy. 

And so, I give thanks for it all. My "red badge of courage," my encouraging biopsy results, my incredibly engineered body the Lord gave me that takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'. And my weakness, in which the Lord becomes my strength. 

Thank you, Lord!