If only...

If only I could remember things from one day to the next. In my previous post, I shared that my ANC has been plummeting over the course of the last three weeks. This is a great concern to me, because just as we were beginning to emerge from quarantine, I learned that my immunity is dropping again. The fact that I couldn't seem to connect with the oncology office didn't help to allay my anxiety. 

Yesterday, I was finally able to make contact with the oncology office. I spoke with one of the nurses about my concerns, and what she had to say was, well, helpful if not comforting. She reminded me that recovery from chemotherapy takes a long time...several months to a year. One of the things that happens as my body seeks the point of equilibrium between my bone marrow being beaten down by the chemo and returning to its normal function of making new blood cells is that there are periods when new cell production goes kind of wild and may overshoot the target. 

There are also times when the bone marrow backs off and cell counts drop back below normal. Picture a spring with a weight suspended below it. If you lift the weight and then release it, what happens? The weight will go down and then up as it overshoots the point of equilibrium between the force of gravity and the lifting power of the stretched spring. It may repeat this cycle a few times, but eventually, it will settle at the point where those forces are equal.

After previous rounds of HiDAC chemotherapy, my blood counts have returned to normal or nearly normal. This is the first time that I haven't returned to the Club for more chemo that knocked them flat again. Perhaps, if I hadn't returned for more chemo after those previous recovery periods, the counts would have gone up and back down again, as they are doing now. I will never know. 

Another piece of information that was helpful was to learn that, whereas Dr. Waugh has not communicated with me directly about what is happening, my health record shows that she has been monitoring the results frequently since Monday and that she has commented on my ANC. That comment suggests that she is not alarmed. 

And so, I was reminded of one of my scripture memory verses: "Don't be afraid little flock, because your Father delights to give you the kingdom." (Luke 12:32) In His kingdom there is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. God has brought me smoothly and reliably through five rounds of chemotherapy without mishap. Do I really believe that He will desert me now?

If only I could remember things from one day to the next!