Promises, good and not so good

 Today has been a bit better than yesterday, although I can tell the chemo is really beginning to affect me. Overall, I don't feel really bad in any particular way. I just don't feel well. The worst of it is that I am lethargic and have no appetite. Favorite foods sound repellant, even though I am deeply hungry. 

Although I don't feel nauseous on an ongoing basis, when I think of eating, I imagine foods in my mouth and immediately want them out. Well, sometimes wishes come true. I just tried to have a little dinner of turkey and mashed potatoes. It tasted pretty good, maybe even better than tolerable, but after a few bites the nausea did set in and up it all came. 

Today, started day six of seven days of chemotherapy. By this time on Wednesday, I will be through with the meds being poured into my body along with pints of saline solution, and somehow, in my imagination, that means things will begin to turn around. Unfortunately, they promise me that that's just when things really begin to be uncomfortable, with more nausea, fever and general malaise. 

Because the chemo is destroying my immune system, I will need to be on anti-biotics, anti-fungals, and anti-virals. Since the chemo is killing off my bone marrow, I presume that my body will need to process all of that tissue, which suggests my filter organs (kidneys, liver, spleen, lymph system) will probably be overworked and continue to cause stress on my body and my mind. 

I was encouraged once again to keep moving, which is hard when all I want to do is sleep. But I must admit, when I get up and walk a bit, I feel a bit better. Today, so far, I have done seven laps around the fourth floor oncology department. That amounts to a little more than a half mile. My goal is to be doing a mile a day. This may be tougher and tougher over the next few days, especially when nourishing myself has become problematic. 

So, it's a brave new world I'm facing. I thank God for my beautiful wife, true as the day is long. She comes every day and sits, even while I am napping, without complaint. I thank God for the staff here at Club Sunnyside. They are competent, caring and always willing to do a little extra for my comfort. I thank God for all those who are praying for me, and especially for those who are taking care of Jill and helping her to keep the ship afloat. And above all I thank God that He has promised never to leave me nor forsake me. He doesn't promise life will be easy; He promises to walk through the mess with me, and that is the greatest comfort of all.